I fancy myself somewhat of a human rights activist... I don't picket or have clever bumper stickers or wear shirts saying "This is what a feminist looks like," but I sometimes try, on an interpersonal level, to help people open their minds on varying issues. I also can't help but try to support people that seem to be suffering, even if it's from afar with a bright shining screen between us.
This is why I engaged myself not once, but twice, with a guy I believe to be very deeply in the closet and struggling with some self loathing. I feel super duper sad for him but also somewhat disturbed by the presentation of his feelings. We had this first conversation many moons ago... And he must have forgotten about it, as months and months later, with a different username but with the same photo and same first name, he wrote me again. I pretended like I didn't remember him because I was hoping to get farther in second conversation than I did in the first one.
Conversation with John, Take One...
Him: Hi, I am John - how are you?
Me: hi john
i'm doing well, how are you?
Him: good
do you think opposites attract?
Me: possibly!
why do you ask?
Him: i think opposites can attract but need similar values. Do you believe in total honesty?
Me: yes
Him: If a boyfriend loved you and would never cheat, but had bicurious thoughts sometimes, would you want him to admit?
Me: sure
why do you ask?
Him: it is embarrassing for a man to admit
Me: i'm insanely open minded
and i'm obsessed with gay rights and really into queer culture
so you don't have to be embarrassed talking to me about any of this!
Him: i think gay and bi is wrong
Me: why
Him: not nature's design
Me: omg
okay i totally disagree
it can't be wrong if it exists
no one would choose it if they were given the choice
okay so i guess you don't want to talk about this anymore?
ha
well i wish you good luck on whatever it is you are dealing with, if you ever want to talk i'm here
Conversation with John, Take Two...
Him: Hi - I am John - how are you?
Me: I'm good how are you?
Him: I am housesitting and found something funny
Me: What?
Him: A playgirl magazine with pictures of a muscular man. Lol
Me: Lol nice
Him: Embarrassing for me lol
Me: Why?
Him: I am a little curious to see lol
Me: That's okay
no biggie
Him: Really? If a bf or husband admitted, you would understand?
i only like women :)
Understand embarrassing for a man to admit?
Me: I believe there is a scale of sexuality and it's rare to be fully anything, so of course I believe a man could be curious! I think we all or to varying degrees
Him: I think bi and gay is wrong.
Me: Why?
Him: Unnatural
Me: I'm just going to take a risk and say all of this knowing that you probably won't respond but I'm okay with that...
So you've written me before, saying the same kind of bi-curious statement. I don't remember exactly what it was but I can find it if you are curious. The conversation was exactly the same-- you hinted at being attracted to men and then when I said that its fine you started saying how you believe being gay or bi is wrong.
First of all, I find that offensive, but of course you are entitled to your opinions. I don't believe that any feelings are wrong or unnatural because if little kids have them, well to me that's natural. They don't create them or make themselves have them. That's the definition of natural if you ask me. Little kids don't know what's what, they just feel things.
Second of all, you are so clearly struggling with your own sexual identity it's painfully obvious to me. You write to strangers testing the waters to see if its safe to talk about your curiosity and then you go straight back into the closet saying you believe it's wrong. You shame yourself and put down my beliefs and friends, saying you believe homosexuality is unnatural. It scares me when I see that because I wonder if in the world you are some homophobic guy bashing gays but having these feelings yourself.
The last thing I want to say is, just like you take all these risks online telling strangers that you are embarrassed and curious and want to look at naked men etc... I know easier said than done, but take some risks in real life and also inside yourself. Nothing that's a part of humans since being a kid (and animals btw, do some research before you call something unnatural) cannot be unnatural! You live in [city I live in with a big gay population]! Gay people are the norm! I'm guessing there's shame or prejudice in your background or family, which of course makes this all harder....
Whatever the case may be, if you ever grow some balls and decide to explore this side of yourself let me know. I would support you emotionally or go with you to gay clubs or whatever you want. There are lots of people to support you.
Or maybe you are just curious and it means nothing... Who knows.... Whatever it is I encourage you to get honest with yourself and please stop writing women on dating sites about this, it's really not the place no act these things out.
I support you!!
Me: I believe there is a scale of sexuality and it's rare to be fully anything, so of course I believe a man could be curious! I think we all or to varying degrees
Him: I think bi and gay is wrong.
Me: Why?
Him: Unnatural
Me: I'm just going to take a risk and say all of this knowing that you probably won't respond but I'm okay with that...
So you've written me before, saying the same kind of bi-curious statement. I don't remember exactly what it was but I can find it if you are curious. The conversation was exactly the same-- you hinted at being attracted to men and then when I said that its fine you started saying how you believe being gay or bi is wrong.
First of all, I find that offensive, but of course you are entitled to your opinions. I don't believe that any feelings are wrong or unnatural because if little kids have them, well to me that's natural. They don't create them or make themselves have them. That's the definition of natural if you ask me. Little kids don't know what's what, they just feel things.
Second of all, you are so clearly struggling with your own sexual identity it's painfully obvious to me. You write to strangers testing the waters to see if its safe to talk about your curiosity and then you go straight back into the closet saying you believe it's wrong. You shame yourself and put down my beliefs and friends, saying you believe homosexuality is unnatural. It scares me when I see that because I wonder if in the world you are some homophobic guy bashing gays but having these feelings yourself.
The last thing I want to say is, just like you take all these risks online telling strangers that you are embarrassed and curious and want to look at naked men etc... I know easier said than done, but take some risks in real life and also inside yourself. Nothing that's a part of humans since being a kid (and animals btw, do some research before you call something unnatural) cannot be unnatural! You live in [city I live in with a big gay population]! Gay people are the norm! I'm guessing there's shame or prejudice in your background or family, which of course makes this all harder....
Whatever the case may be, if you ever grow some balls and decide to explore this side of yourself let me know. I would support you emotionally or go with you to gay clubs or whatever you want. There are lots of people to support you.
Or maybe you are just curious and it means nothing... Who knows.... Whatever it is I encourage you to get honest with yourself and please stop writing women on dating sites about this, it's really not the place no act these things out.
I support you!!
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